


Heart

by suchabeautifuldisaster



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6561739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchabeautifuldisaster/pseuds/suchabeautifuldisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>something i wrote after mickey brought ian back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart

It’s weird, gettin' your heart back.

 

You find that it’s heavy, that it’s takin' everythin' in you to wrap your arms around it, to lift it over your shoulder.

 

You grunt with the effort, your hands grippin' its legs tightly… afraid that even in it’s unconscious, out of it state, that it still might walk away from you like it did months ago.

 

You find yourself starin' at it now, passed out on the bed that you share with a woman who you don’t really give a shit about, but has your child in her belly, and you think,

fuck.

 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_.

 

Because it fuckin' hurts.

 

It hurts so fuckin’ much because your heart walked out the door and all you whispered to it was “don’t” when you should have _yelled,_

 

 “Stay, never leave me, I love you, I’m not afraid anymore.”

 

_I’m not afraid anymore._

 

Hah, you’re such a fuckin’ liar, you’re so full of shit, you’re fuckin’ pathetic-

 

But it’s back now, and even with your throat strangled with the sobs that you’ve held back for too damn long and your eyes red and sore from the tears that still stand in your

 

eyes because after three hours of gettin’ it home you still haven’t been able to stop cryin’… your heart’s back.

 

It’s been used and drugged and scarred and fucked up… it’s probably not the same heart that stood in your doorway and asked,

 

“Is that all you’re gonna say?”

 

But he looks like the same heart.

 

He _breathes_ like the same heart.

 

Hell, your heart is racing with _his_ return, pounding in your ribcage because the wild, desperate, fucking beautiful thing is back and you’re never letting _him_ go again.

 

_Ever._

 

 And for once, that’s a promise that you intend to fuckin’ keep, goddammit.

 

For right now, you don’t say anythin’.

 

You just watch as he sleeps in the bed that you share with a wife that you don’t give a shit about who’s havin’ your kid… because _fuck_ you...

 

you missed him so much that you hate yourself with the longin’ of it and you feel like you’re not some piece of shit anymore.

 

It’s fuckin’ weird, getting your heart back.

 

It’s… it’s _everything_ … gettin’ him back.

 

Damn it, you’re so far gone, you _asshole_ . You are _so fuckin’ gone_ that it’s fuckin’-

 

I don’t care. I don’t care anymore.

 

I love him. Even if I’ll never say it out loud.

  
I’m so _fucked_.


End file.
